I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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