You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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