if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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