the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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