can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
