I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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