So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
