Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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