you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
