You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
