THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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