please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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