WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
