I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
