So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
