I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
