By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
