conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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