i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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