It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
