Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
