you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
