she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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