i just google imaged poop.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
