you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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