Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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