Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
