you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
