There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
