i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
