I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
