I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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