yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
