I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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