They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
