He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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