I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
