i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
