So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
