4 words: hood of his car
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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