Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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