There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
