Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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