So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
