we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh god it's open bar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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