He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
