best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
