I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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