i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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