I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
