Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Randomize
