if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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