I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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