I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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