Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
