11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
