cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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