By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We have started to decorate penises.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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