Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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