All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
