just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
