Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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