and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
