I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
