It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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