You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
