My room smells like vodka and shame
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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