So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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