I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
