First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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