i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
