I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
