everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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