.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
