she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
