a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
